A Promise for My Wife—A true life love story

cardFor most people Valentine’s Day is all about over-priced flowers, heart shaped boxes full of candy, fancy jewelry, if that is your thing, and giving a loved one a sexually innuendo filled card. A day to celebrate romance and love, if you have it, and if not, it’s a good night to hit the local bar and drink yourself into an alcohol induced love situation. For others, like Flint Andrew Staton of Emmaus, Pennsylvania, Valentine’s Day is a day to suit-up in your finest body armor suit, stock-pile your car with an arsenal of weapons (refer below for full list) and video equipment, purchase a small box of chocolates, and top it off with finding your special someone that perfect Valentine’s Day card. In this case, a card titled, “A Promise For My Wife.” You then get in your artillery loaded 1997 Toyota Avalon and very creepily follow your estranged wife, Anne Staton, to work. Could this be the most romantic thing ever?

Luckily Anne Staton suspected her husband of following her to work everyday in the days leading up to his arrest, and tipped off police. Staton’s element of surprise was foiled when the police pulled him over after noticing him tailing Anne Staton. According to the arresting officer, Staton was wearing full body armor and had a car full of weapons, miscellaneous gear, a 39-page manual depicting numerous forms of violence and killing, and Valentine’s Day card signed to his wife. When questioned about his get up and all the weapons and gear, Staton said it was a secret Valentine’s Day surprise for his wife. Actually he didn’t say that, rather he responded with, “I don’t f%$king know, what do you think?” Staton was charged with illegal possession of a gun and illegal body armor, stalking and harassment.

If you would like to surprise your special someone, and take the whole 50 Shades of Grey trend to a whole new level I recommend the Flint Staton Valentine’s Day Variety Pack.

Flint Staton’s Variety Pack (all items found inside Staton’s car when arrested)

Full body armor, a few knives, a trusty machete, a lot of ammo, cable restraints for a little tie up, no big deal, wigs, if that is your thing, duct tape, gloves, a ski mask, a kevlar military helmet, hand gun, binoculars, why not you never know when a Red-breasted Merganser will appear, brass knuckles, stun gun, baseball bat, pepper spray, arrowheads, don’t judge, computer equipment, for quick Facebook updates, camera equipment, cellphone, obviously for Instagram, walkie-talkies, a booklet with pics of ways to kill people, and of course a Valentine’s Day car, preferable titled, My Promise for My Wife. And what that promise is we will never officially know…

Local coverage: Lehigh Valley Live

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