Florida man breaks in to house to pleasure himself, however gets distracted by remote controlled helicopter

florida JasonJason Vickery a 23-year-old resident of St. Augustine, Florida, was arrested on burglary and larceny charges after police caught Jason attempting to flee from the home that he was allegedly burglarizing. Vickery cooperated with sheriff deputies and confessed a bizarre tale. Here is his unauthorized confession:

“I wanted to start the day out right. I hit Starbucks. Picked up a nice sausage breakfast buddy and got a venti iced coffee. Added lots of cream and sugar. I surfed the net for a bit. The usual Facebook, Youtube, Facebook, routine. Updated my status: ‘Gentleman’s day dream scene, skies the limit bros’. I left and went back home. There I got a little bored and decided I wanted to do something really fun and kind of crazy. I wanted to break into a house. The thought of it kind of got my all buzzed up–in a sexually way. I gathered up some necessities for the adventure. A bag of weed, a small glass pipe, a wig (my disguise), a towel, just in case I needed to clean up, a pouch of chewing tobacco, and a small salad, just in case I get hungry while out and about.”

“I decided to hit Atlantic View Avenue, it has some decent houses and is pretty convenient. I got high as F#$k off weed, put my wig on and made my way down Atlantic. I found a house that looked nice and then went to a side door. Fortunately for me, the door was unlocked, so I made my way in. I got turned on creeping around someone else’s house. It got me boned up, I’m not going to lie. So, I went up stairs and found a bathroom. I pulled my pants down and began to stroke it, but then I saw a remote control helicopter in the other room. It was distracting and I couldn’t keep my eyes off it. I stopped, zipped up and grabbed the helicopter. It didn’t work, the batteries seemed to be dead. There has to be batteries around here somewhere I thought to myself. I started going through all the rooms and drawers trying to find some batteries. Luckily I found some pretty quickly in a cabinet, inside what looked like a utility closet.”

“I know this sounds weird, but RC helicopters are real fun! I must of lost track of time, but I was flying it around all over the upstairs. I was getting pretty good. I decided to take a break and eat my salad that I brought with me. I even brought a super good balsamic vinaigrette to put on it. After I ate my salad, I had another urge to masturbate. I began to stroke and really get in to it. Before I could finish I heard some voices outside. I panicked. Quickly zipped up. Flew down the stairs and ran to the side door. When I opened the door to make my escape a cop was standing their with his gun pointed at me. It was kind of crazy.”

“I figured if I told him all the stuff I did he would let me off with a warning. I mean technically I didnt steal anything and I didn’t break anything, or even really break in, the door was unlocked. I didn’t really masturbate, I mean no fluids came out of me, no messes is what I mean, but I did bring a towel just in case. Anyway, I didn’t realize they would get me for using up the fresh batteries for the helicopter. God. That helicopter was kind of the sh#t, though. Maybe it was the weed, pipe, and wig he found on me that convinced him to take me in. Anyway that is the whole story. I did it. I did all that stuff. Hopefully, you guys won’t tell the media that I was beating off in a stranger’s house. Do you think if I bought a fresh pack of 4 AA batteries to give to those people they would let me off?”

Jason Vickery full story: Action News Jax

*confession is a dramatization based on true events

4 Comments

  1. Mike Meezy May 1, 2013
  2. Jill B May 2, 2013
  3. Aslan Hollier July 17, 2015
    • Hal Limbeck July 26, 2015

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