Florida man high as f#ck busted for assuming 9-1-1 delivers burgers

"shit mang, I'd give an'thang for'some burger-n-kool-aid."

“Sheeeit mang, I’d just wanted some burgers’n’kool-aid.”

Jarvis Sutton a 34-year-old man from St. Petersburg, Florida, was arrested for allegedly calling 911 over 80 times in attempt to have burgers, Kool-Aid, and weed delivered. Unfortunately for Mr. Sutton, it is illegal to call 911 for delivery services, consequently he was charged with misusing the 911 system. Mr. Sutton had this to say about the incident:

“Ya’see I just blasted my last stick of some of th’t blue sky blond sheeit, ya’know the good stuff from Colombia. Sheeit make you see God man. Anyways I got high as f#ck and I started getting hungry and mouth got real dry. Went over to the box but it was empty. God damn thang was empty! So I thought to myself ‘sheeit man I needs some eats. I want some of that Kool-Aid. Yeeah, that cherry kind. Ooh-wee! And some burgers, yeah, double burgers with cheese. Yeah lots of cheese!’ I couldn’t walk too good so I sat my ass on the sofa.”

“I got real hungry, like serious hungry, you know that starving kind like you might die if you don’t eat soon. So hungry I couldn’t get off the sofa. I thought I was going to die if I didn’t have something.”

“It was emergency man!”

“So I dialed up 9-1-1. They answered and asked me how could they assist me. I told’em it was an emergency and told’em I needed some Kool-Aid, cherry if they have it, and some burgers, double-doubles with cheese, and some weed if you have it, and I need to have this stuff delivered to my house, otherwise I was going to die. The operator told me that it wasn’t really an emergency and if I felt ill I should go to a urgent care.”

“I didn’t like that response so I called back and got another operator. Ya’see I had that sheeit on re-dial.”

“Those damn fools wouldn’t give me the time a day, so I kept dial’n and act’skin. I figured if I did it enough someone would finally deliver me some of those burgers and Kool-Aid.”

“I guess they say I called around 80 times. Haha.  Sheeeit. Didn’t seem that many times to me, I will tell you what.”

“Maybe five. Or six times?”

“Anyway they sent a squad car over and threw my ass in the car and took me in. Yeah I chewed on some of their seats in the back of the car, I was hungry.”

“Sheeeit mang, I’d just wanted some burgers and kool-aid!”

Full story from Tampa: Tampa Bay News

If you need to brush up on your marijuana lingo: Weed Dictionary

*dramatization based on true events

 

One Response

  1. Kev August 5, 2013

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